I live and breathe and walk and talk...
I am...
I don't want to sit around and wait.. NOT for another complaint...
Shut up talking to me...
I got problems too...
I am...
God has restored my soul to completion, yet...
I am not complete as of yet...
I don't mind waiting...
It's worth it...
I am...
Who am I...
A scared little child running away from the schoolyard bully.
An insecure high school student.
A dummy with relationship issues.
A loser.
A winner.
I am...
All I can say is...
when all else fades away it's...
the power of God's love and presence...
And the chastisement of his...
fist...
That let's me know:
I am...
worth it,
I am...
Darius
Sunday, December 24, 2006
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Aunt Darlene
My Aunt Darlene always told me to "give credit where credit is due." On that note, honor goes to GOD first:
I consider it a blessing to wake up and see the morning sun; to anticipate what God is going to do next; to live in a country where I can pursue happiness.
Man, I got one of the most undeserving messages today from someone I admire and I began to complain. Then I stopped complaining! Why? It doesn't matter.
If someone doesn't hold me to the esteem that I hold him or her, then that's no one's fault, not even his or hers. So I gave up and stop complaining! Why? I was hungry!
There are more important things to worry about then why someone doesn't see the gift in ME! Hell, I see it! You know what is more important then TRYING to make someone happy! MY STOMACH! So I'm going to give credit where credit is due... to that person and my Aunt Darlene for teaching me that:
When I feel disrespected, take care of the person I have to live with for the rest of my life... ME!!!!!
Until Next Time!!!
P.S. That double-cheese burger was good!
I consider it a blessing to wake up and see the morning sun; to anticipate what God is going to do next; to live in a country where I can pursue happiness.
Man, I got one of the most undeserving messages today from someone I admire and I began to complain. Then I stopped complaining! Why? It doesn't matter.
If someone doesn't hold me to the esteem that I hold him or her, then that's no one's fault, not even his or hers. So I gave up and stop complaining! Why? I was hungry!
There are more important things to worry about then why someone doesn't see the gift in ME! Hell, I see it! You know what is more important then TRYING to make someone happy! MY STOMACH! So I'm going to give credit where credit is due... to that person and my Aunt Darlene for teaching me that:
When I feel disrespected, take care of the person I have to live with for the rest of my life... ME!!!!!
Until Next Time!!!
P.S. That double-cheese burger was good!
Wednesday, November 1, 2006
Hebrew's Eleven
God is amazing, you know? It's bewildering how my mind is so very content with HIS process for my life to the point I was wondering how other people would handle these situations that have come against me. I also wonder how I would have handled these situations six months ago (not every well, may I add!) I thank God I don't have to wonder because the here-and-now is totally a blessing to me!!
A new friend of mine characterizes my character in a way I couldn't believe and I was taken aback by the statements. This person called me classy, independent, and educated. It's funny I've never thought of myself as either. Weird, huh? I've always known I'd processed information differently, and I see situations as milestones and not stumbling blocks. I thought it made me different not better (I still believe that). In addition, I'm completely aware of success; that it is based on comprehension and perspective and not accumulation of substance, because 'faith is the substance of the things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen.' And I believe this passage is my 'unspecified' mantra. Why?
To me, faith is the foundation of life. Faith knows the next morning isn't promised then we wake up and see the morning sun. It's knows my current actions have a cause and effect in my life's result. It's understanding that 'all things work together for the good.' Faith is the material that's going to help me 'move my next mountain.'
I thank that friend of mine! I am classy! I am independent! I am educated! Furthermore, I am worthy of all the things God wants me to have and I will achieve greatness. How, you ask?
By Faith!!!!
A new friend of mine characterizes my character in a way I couldn't believe and I was taken aback by the statements. This person called me classy, independent, and educated. It's funny I've never thought of myself as either. Weird, huh? I've always known I'd processed information differently, and I see situations as milestones and not stumbling blocks. I thought it made me different not better (I still believe that). In addition, I'm completely aware of success; that it is based on comprehension and perspective and not accumulation of substance, because 'faith is the substance of the things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen.' And I believe this passage is my 'unspecified' mantra. Why?
To me, faith is the foundation of life. Faith knows the next morning isn't promised then we wake up and see the morning sun. It's knows my current actions have a cause and effect in my life's result. It's understanding that 'all things work together for the good.' Faith is the material that's going to help me 'move my next mountain.'
I thank that friend of mine! I am classy! I am independent! I am educated! Furthermore, I am worthy of all the things God wants me to have and I will achieve greatness. How, you ask?
By Faith!!!!
Saturday, October 14, 2006
The Temple of My Familiar
There is no trust in this world; no love; no integrity. Friends smile at you and dress the truth in disguises called Reasonsssssss!!!!!
Reasons, huh?
A reason is a coward's way out and a liar's way in!
A reason is what George Bush uses to justify an unjustifiable war.
A reason is why Beyonce is hushed about the HOVA, and why P. Diddy has yet to tell the story about the gun, the club, and the Range Rover.
A reason...
...is why a lonely heart remains lonely... why I can't find a true friend... why I can't find true love... it's why I'm different...
A reason is why my heart can't open and why my mouth is closed shut because of my insecurities.
A reason...
Is why I go back to what I know,
it's why I live in the haven of my intellect,
my security...
that's where I find truth when the world lies,
in my soul's foundation,
through my heart longing,
by my joy's labor
inside...
the Temple of My Familiar.
Until Next Time!!!
Reasons, huh?
A reason is a coward's way out and a liar's way in!
A reason is what George Bush uses to justify an unjustifiable war.
A reason is why Beyonce is hushed about the HOVA, and why P. Diddy has yet to tell the story about the gun, the club, and the Range Rover.
A reason...
...is why a lonely heart remains lonely... why I can't find a true friend... why I can't find true love... it's why I'm different...
A reason is why my heart can't open and why my mouth is closed shut because of my insecurities.
A reason...
Is why I go back to what I know,
it's why I live in the haven of my intellect,
my security...
that's where I find truth when the world lies,
in my soul's foundation,
through my heart longing,
by my joy's labor
inside...
the Temple of My Familiar.
Until Next Time!!!
Sunday, October 8, 2006
Whatever
What amazes me most is the art of complaining! I use the word "art" because people are getting extremely crafty finding new ways to make mediocre situation seem as massive as Mt. Fuji. I, too, have problems with the direction my life has taken, but I can't complain because I am alive. Furthermore, I am free to breath, to think, to creative, to love, and that's enough for me. I know complaining is a human disposition; to make sure everyone in there life can taste the absolute "anarchy" that is, and in their lives. But, come-the-hell-on!!! Get a grip!
Who cares that you didn't have the ideal childhood! Who did? Who cares if you don't have exactly what you want in life! Who does? Who gives a damn if you don't feel that you're receiving all the things that you give. Doesn't that mean you know how to love? And love needs no proof, love only needs action and love never waits for reciprocation.
STOP COMPLAINING!
You boring people, stop!
Who cares that you didn't have the ideal childhood! Who did? Who cares if you don't have exactly what you want in life! Who does? Who gives a damn if you don't feel that you're receiving all the things that you give. Doesn't that mean you know how to love? And love needs no proof, love only needs action and love never waits for reciprocation.
STOP COMPLAINING!
You boring people, stop!
Sunday, October 1, 2006
I Know Why
I am but a shell of a man
And in me lies the secrets of life and love
Explore the depth with me
Feel my passion radiating spirit
Hide with me in the shadow of the present
Then interpret the testimony of the past
Decode the future's mystery
Come with me
Share my world!
What makes me happy?
A baby's laugh
A silent gesture of appreciation
A kind word of comfort
The morning sun before busy life calls the city
In this I see that I'm blessed!
I'm so bless I can hardly contain myself
I marvel at the very essence of life
And the many surprises that come of it
I've seen many things:
Devastation
Wonder
Woes
I've communicated with the deep in profound communion
I understand the meaning of life
God told me!
It's the smallest freckle
To the chaos of war
The miracle of birth
Unto the sunset of life
The heartbreak of love
Until that soul is restored
It's all a thread in God's great quilt
A blueprint of His massive plan
Apart
Of His Grand Design
Until Next Time!!!
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
The Story of My Birth
This was written by my mother the first June after my recovery from alcohol. I can't read it too much because it's emotional . I thought it was told very well so I didn't edit though I wanted to. This was in her own words. I love this story.
The Birth of Darius Ewell Lane II
When we give a gift we must hope and believe that the person we give the gift to can use it. My gift to you is the story of your birth.
I will start the day before, it seems that it was a perfect day:
June 27, 1978, your father and me went to the mall to look for a few baby things. We had your room all fixed up and were looking for a few blankets. I notice that my feet were so swollen that it was hard for me to walk. At that time I didn't know that I was in the first stages of labor. I really didn't say any thing because I had been to the hospital about four or five times in the last week, so I that it was a false alarm.
As I walked there were so much back pressure that I had to keep sitting down. We went to the Chinese restaurant and eat. Your father had fried rice and a bottle of red wine. I had the buffet. I remember so well because felt better when I came out because I said to your father dont drink all that I might go in to labor. That was about 6:00 that evening. We went for a ride and returned home about 9:00. We talked about you for a little while and then went to bed. I always had your father to use Desenex on his face because it helped with the hair bumps, when he shaved.
He went straight to sleep. As for me you know even then I watched T.V. all night. About 5min to twelve I started to pray I even remember the prayer. God I thank you for my little baby that he had gave me, and if I go into labor please let it be quick and easy. As I ended the prayer at 12:00 I felt some really bad back pain. I got up went to the restroom I thought I had to use it. Nothing happen so I went back to bed. Soon as I laid down it started again so I went back to the restroom but nothing happen. This time as I lay down felt as if some one had hit me in the back with a bat, so I woke Lane us and told him that this is it and he panicked. He went in the restroom to wash is face and you known that he was nervous. He was trying to wash his face but the Desenex on his face was hard to come off. He started screaming why you make me use this s**t on my face now I cant get it off. I still laugh about it today. We left home about 12:30 the hospital about fifteen min from were we lived.
Got to the hospital and I begin to pray again. You know that God answers prayer. I asked God with every pain to allow me to be another centimeter. He really does answer prayer, because at the end of that prayer my water broke and I told your father and he asked what water and were was the water. At that time the water started coming off the bed. With in seven pains you were here. Your father went in with me. When they said push he was in my face saying everything they said. When he saw all that blood he asked the doctor what the hell you doing to my wife. They had to tell him that it was apart of the process. When it was over they gave you to him and he left me and went with you he stayed with you for about three hours. He wanted to make sure that they did every thing right. He was so proud from the start of you.
He wanted you and I think in some ways he needed you. I do know that you were wanted. That when I knew that I could really trust God. You see he brought me through when I didn't know what to do.
I want you to always remember that God chose you for himself.
Love your mom
The Birth of Darius Ewell Lane II
When we give a gift we must hope and believe that the person we give the gift to can use it. My gift to you is the story of your birth.
I will start the day before, it seems that it was a perfect day:
June 27, 1978, your father and me went to the mall to look for a few baby things. We had your room all fixed up and were looking for a few blankets. I notice that my feet were so swollen that it was hard for me to walk. At that time I didn't know that I was in the first stages of labor. I really didn't say any thing because I had been to the hospital about four or five times in the last week, so I that it was a false alarm.
As I walked there were so much back pressure that I had to keep sitting down. We went to the Chinese restaurant and eat. Your father had fried rice and a bottle of red wine. I had the buffet. I remember so well because felt better when I came out because I said to your father dont drink all that I might go in to labor. That was about 6:00 that evening. We went for a ride and returned home about 9:00. We talked about you for a little while and then went to bed. I always had your father to use Desenex on his face because it helped with the hair bumps, when he shaved.
He went straight to sleep. As for me you know even then I watched T.V. all night. About 5min to twelve I started to pray I even remember the prayer. God I thank you for my little baby that he had gave me, and if I go into labor please let it be quick and easy. As I ended the prayer at 12:00 I felt some really bad back pain. I got up went to the restroom I thought I had to use it. Nothing happen so I went back to bed. Soon as I laid down it started again so I went back to the restroom but nothing happen. This time as I lay down felt as if some one had hit me in the back with a bat, so I woke Lane us and told him that this is it and he panicked. He went in the restroom to wash is face and you known that he was nervous. He was trying to wash his face but the Desenex on his face was hard to come off. He started screaming why you make me use this s**t on my face now I cant get it off. I still laugh about it today. We left home about 12:30 the hospital about fifteen min from were we lived.
Got to the hospital and I begin to pray again. You know that God answers prayer. I asked God with every pain to allow me to be another centimeter. He really does answer prayer, because at the end of that prayer my water broke and I told your father and he asked what water and were was the water. At that time the water started coming off the bed. With in seven pains you were here. Your father went in with me. When they said push he was in my face saying everything they said. When he saw all that blood he asked the doctor what the hell you doing to my wife. They had to tell him that it was apart of the process. When it was over they gave you to him and he left me and went with you he stayed with you for about three hours. He wanted to make sure that they did every thing right. He was so proud from the start of you.
He wanted you and I think in some ways he needed you. I do know that you were wanted. That when I knew that I could really trust God. You see he brought me through when I didn't know what to do.
I want you to always remember that God chose you for himself.
Love your mom
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